The New Girl, Part 1
March 13, 2008 on 12:00 am | In Dead End Streets Chapters |Inside Rymmer High School’s halls there were no windows. This was a blessing to David, who was at his worst at noon. Breakfast was starting to wear off and he had forgotten his lunch. The school, of course, was not required to provide him with one, as the dietary needs of such a minority of the student body were not a priority to the administration.
He stood leaning against the green-glazed brick walls of the hall outside the lunch room, the upright position and his best friend Gabby standing in front of him talking animatedly about a baseball game that had been on TV the night before the only thing keeping him awake. “The umpire called foul, which is BS because–wow.” The tone on Gabby’s voice lowered and softened. “Look at her skin.” He was almost whispering.
David looked up in the direction Gabby was staring at with his mouth gaping open. The object of Gabby’s lust had just turned the corner. Her long legs were encased in thick-heeled boots, fishnet stockings blurring her pale flesh and ending in a black cheerleaders skirt. Her black tank top was snug against her small breasts, and her hair, shorn off at her chin, was like fire. “God,” Gabby muttered, throwing himself against the wall.
She walked over to them, opening her mouth a little so they could see the green candy she was sucking on. “Hello Sprite,” Gabby managed to mutter. She ignored Gabby, instead walking over to David. Standing on her tip-toes she kissed him, slipping a few of the tangy candies into his mouth with her tongue. She moved over to Gabby and did the same. “Hello boys.”
“Don’t do that,” David said, spitting the candy onto the floor. Food made him sick when he was hungry.
“More?” Gabby asked her.
Sprite laughed and shook her head. “Having lunch with Anastasia and Delia. See you in Chemistry.”
“I love her,” Gabby said as Sprite walked away, his eyes on her butt.
Davis shook his head, pushing himself off the wall. “She was built for you to love her. There isn’t anything to it. She’s going to get in trouble for wearing that.”
“At least we can enjoy it while it lasts.”
“Where did she even get those things?”
“Don’t know, don’t care. How can you be so blasé about something like that?”
“Being a demon does have some advantages. Some of them are that I don’t turn into a dribbling puddle of idiot when Sprite or one of her cousins walks by. Puny human.”
“Oh yeah. Big bad vampire. You’re so awesome.”
“Shut it.”
“It’s okay. I get it. My cousin dated a werewolf.”
“No you don’t.”
“Jeeze. Sensitive much?
“I’m hungry.”
“Oh. Look, I’d love to help you out but…”
“Just go away.” That was it. He was hungry and his temper was very short. If he didn’t eat he would eat somebody, which would lead to suspension and then his parents would be pissed. . .
Instead David buttoned up his jean jacket and dug his hat out of the inside pocket. “I’m running down the street for a snack.”
Rymmer High School sat at the base of a dead end street at the bottom of a hill. The highway was behind it, and the nearest convenience store two blocks away, all in full sun. He could stand direct sunlight for about three minutes before he suffered any ill effects–it took seven to get to the store. David stood under the shade of the single oak tree in front of the school overlooking the parking lot, building up the courage to walk into the sun, when a black Buick pulled up in front of the school.
It was of little interest to him, until the door opened and a bare leg in heels revealed itself from the passenger side. It was followed by another leg, a tan skirt, and finally the most beautiful blond he had ever seen. He wasn’t so hungry any more.
The girl kissed her mother goodbye and the Buick drove off, leaving the girl to walk up to the school on her own. David hurried after her, wincing in the sunlight. “Hey!” He slipped his jacket off, the sun searing his arms in his t-shirt.
She stopped and turned. “You can’t go in there dressed like that. Tie this around your waist.”
“What do you mean?”
That’s right. Small talk in the burning sun. “Trust me, it’s for the best.” He pulled her gently into the shade of the school’s doorway.
“Oh.”
“You’re new. We have a lot of Cubi in this school, that’s all. There’s a strict dress code.”
“Oh. I didn’t know.” She tied his jacket firm around her waist. “Thanks.”
“I’ll show you to the office,” David said, and lead her to the safety of indoors.
4 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post.
Leave a comment
Entries and comments feeds.
Powered by WordPress.
Terms of Service and Privacy Statement








Dude? Wow. I’m pretty sure you have no right to rail on Twilight. Which also sucks cock. I can’t decide what’s more one-dimensional, the writing or the characters.
Comment by jane — August 7, 2008 #
How can you call the characters one-dimensional. This is the first chapter. There hasn’t been time for the characters to be developed, only introduced.
I like it so far, the characters seem real to me and it actually sounds like a real highschool.
Comment by Dewdew — August 8, 2008 #
I really love the dialogue so far. People take forgranted the importance of a character’s voice. I really like that you got to the part about the demon without having David calling her a demon.You let the reader understand it through his thoughts. The part where you wrote “She was built that way…” made me think…alright, so she’s not a vampire? lol. But it kept me curious.
By the way, I don’t think the characters are one-dimensional after reading the FIRST chapter. Anyone who can comprehend the idea a story understands that character development is a process. There are things called “character arcs” which give the depth you seem to find lacking.
These arcs usually start with an introduction into the foundation of a particular character which usually is the first to second chapter.
Seriously, if you plan on being a jerk and make some failed attempt of an intelligent comment? At the very least back it up.
If you don’t like it, then it’s a matter of preference but don’t give some ridiculous “one-dimensional” excuse without reading the whole thing yet.
Comment by myswriter — August 15, 2008 #
Saw the link on twilightsucks.com. Seems good so far. I like to leave a lot of comments, so sorry if they’re bothersome.
Comment by underthegun — August 17, 2008 #